Sunday, August 19, 2012

Hurt

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV)


Today's post is about regret. 
For words unspoken. 
Forgiveness that comes too late. 


My father and I didn't speak for the six years prior to his death.

He didn't walk me down the aisle at my wedding. 

And he never met or held his granddaughters

I struggled in this world to understand him. 

But I never stopped loving him...


For years I would sit at my computer in the wee hours and cry while listening to this song, Hurt by Christina Aguilera. I always thought one day I would send it to him. That maybe it would show him where my heart was and we could reconcile. 

But I never had the courage. 




I share this song today for anyone who is in this place, this dance of hurting someone...or protecting your own heart with silence. Weeks before my father fell ill someone offered me cautionary words similar to mine today. 

I wish I had listened. 

Reached out to him... 


Can you afford to wait for a day of forgiveness? If he/she passes before you have the chance to make amends will you be able to live in peace with the finality of that choice? 

I thought I could. I was sure the distance I'd grown accustomed to in my daily life would be similar to that of his departing this world. But it just isn't...that. The door has closed. 

There are no more chances for us to re-write this story. 

And that reality makes my grief feel almost impossible to bare on some days.  

Thank you sweet readers for hanging with me during a most vulnerable time in my life. Wow. Most days I don't know if I am crying for mom, dad or Shirley. But I praise God for holding me close and surrounding me with the love of my family, my friends and my church during this time. I know I am walking toward a place of peace and comfort. I pray you'll continue on this journey with me.

In the meantime, it would be my honor to pray for you. Please leave me your prayer request in a comment below or at teaganstravels@yahoo.com.

Blessings, Michelle

3 comments:

  1. Please pray for me Michelle, as my Dad just had a heart attack this weekend. He left us when I was in college, for another woman and family. Its taken a lot of time to deal with this and I still don't visit him in PA or talk about/talk to his new wife. When he got sick, it struck me how hard it is going to be if he dies or gets really sick. Sigh...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sweet girl, I know it must be so hard to forgive when he hurt you and your family so deeply. Let God take care of his heart, his mistakes. Now is the time to give him all the grace you can, in Jesus' name, so you both have new peace. My father had a heart attack on Easter Sunday. He never recovered from that initial attack or the subsequent surgeries and infections. We lost him on July 30th. I saw him before he passed but he could no longer speak. I always thought we'd have more time to work out our hearts together...to have the father and daughter relationship I craved my entire life. It is still a shock a year later realizing that door is closed forever. I pray for your healing and peace. Will you keep us posted on his progress? Hugs, Michelle

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michele,you can forgive even though your dad is gone. This is soo hard. Something in us gives us a desire for a close relationship with our parents. I will pray for you, and for Williams Family too.

    Thank you for linking up at Haven of Rest this past week. I am a little behind in reading all the sweet posts from last week. What a blessing your post was. I am so thankful to have read it and I will take your advice. Even when things hurt it is better to take your advice than to have regrets later.

    ReplyDelete

We'd love to have your comments so post away!