Tonight my husband asked what I miss most about my mother. My answer?
On my front porch I love to put pretty flowers to match the season in this decorative iron cone by my front door. But as soon as I do, mama and papa birds will invariably use it to build a nest for the arrival of their babies.
Each time the babies become big and strong enough to leave the nest, the birds move on. Where? I don't know. But somehow, they sense that while this nest keeps their little ones safe, warm and comforted for a time, it offers no permanent solution. And so I start the ritual of cleaning out the cone, throwing out its contents and decorating again.
As I cleaned out this cone last week, I began to see how it relates to the grieving process. I am neck deep at the moment, friends. This is my season of loss and it has finally hit me full force. The year anniversary of my father's passing is later this month, my stepmother passed five weeks ago and my mother a month ago.
Any one of these losses in and of itself would have been difficult to process. But when my mother passed ...well, it was as if a part of me left with her. I feel empty.
Yesterday, I drove Teagan and Isla around...and around...and around. We went to three parks before I could decide which was best. And when we arrived? It started to rain.
These days are tough. I feel out of sorts. Wandering. And I'm having a tough time writing...this is so raw for me. And yet, I share because I know there are others who might be encouraged to know they are not alone. To know that even on my darkest days I still praise my God for all the blessings in my life that He has given me. I look forward to the future God has promised. Hope. Eternity. Where there is no pain, no loss, no tears. Praise Jesus!!
You see, I know I can't stay "here". In this place of tears, anxiety, and loss. This is not the world God wants for His children. We are to have hope in an eternal life in heaven. And to have peace in knowing our loved ones are living in a world full of unimaginable beauty and love.
I am so grateful God has plans for me. Plans I don't understand yet. I look forward to this time next week when I will attend the She Speaks 2012 conference. I imagine being surrounded by several hundred Jesus girls is just what my little heart needs! I have wanted to attend this conference for so long and God put it on my twin sister's heart to pay.my.way! Wow! What an incredible gift! And knowing that my mother was my best supporter...that she wanted this for me so badly, will make the weekend super special.
And so I praise Him. I praise Him knowing this will pass. And though I will miss Bill, Shirley, and Maureen every moment of whatever time I have left on earth, I will have a future!
Dear Jesus, thank you for holding our hearts when they hurt. Thank you for providing comfort and your hope, your eternal salvation. Help those experiencing loss to move through the grieving process while being ever aware of all the blessings surrounding our lives.
It would be my honor to pray for you. Please leave a comment or if you prefer more privacy email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.