Praise

...and all of God's children said, "Amen!"

Have a blessed Sunday, Michelle

Hurt

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Colossians 3:12-13 (ESV)

Today's post is about regret. 

For words unspoken. 

Forgiveness that comes too late. 

My father and I didn't speak for the six years prior to his death.

He didn't walk me down the aisle at my wedding. 

And he never met or held his granddaughters. 

I struggled in this world to understand him. 

But I never stopped loving him...

For years I would sit at my computer in the wee hours and cry while listening to this song, Hurt by Christina Aguilera. I always thought one day I would send it to him. That maybe it would show him where my heart was and we could reconcile. 

But I never had the courage. 

I share this song today for anyone who is in this place, this dance of hurting someone...or protecting your own heart with silence. Weeks before my father fell ill someone offered me cautionary words similar to mine today. 

I wish I had listened. 

Reached out to him... 

Can you afford to wait for a day of forgiveness? If he/she passes before you have the chance to make amends will you be able to live in peace with the finality of that choice? 

I thought I could. I was sure the distance I'd grown accustomed to in my daily life would be similar to that of his departing this world. But it just isn't...that. The door has closed. 

There are no more chances for us to re-write this story. 

And that reality makes my grief feel almost impossible to bare on some days.  

Thank you sweet readers for hanging with me during a most vulnerable time in my life. Wow. Most days I don't know if I am crying for mom, dad or Shirley. But I praise God for holding me close and surrounding me with the love of my family, my friends and my church during this time. I know I am walking toward a place of peace and comfort. I pray you'll continue on this journey with me.

In the meantime, it would be my honor to pray for you. Please leave me your prayer request in a comment below or at teaganstravels@yahoo.com.

Blessings, Michelle

The Promise

Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.

Genesis 9:16

The South finally received some needed relief from the oppressing humidity and heat wave that had our country moving cautiously about. Teagan and I made our way to a doctor's appointment today. On the way, we talked about what a blessing the rain was because it was God's way of providing for people, birds, grass, and even my toddler girl's favorite snakes (insert a sigh and shake of the head here). All are blessed by this rain with water and means of nourishment. 

As we drove the sky became darker. Ominous, even. Now friends, you should know I am a nervous former Texan. When I see crazy skies my heart beats a bit fast ... and with good reason as I grew up in Tornado Alley! My Irish husband gives me no end of grief, in the form of good natured ribbing, when I pile pillows and blankets galore into our food pantry, TV blaring the latest updates from Weather Center One! 

Anyhoo...to keep us calm I told Teagan, "This is the kind of storm that God allows to bring us something beautiful. So keep your eyes open, toward the sky and you just might see it!" 

As I said these words to her, my thoughts quickly flashed through my previous blog posts. Those entries captured my tender feelings. My vulnerability. My grief. 

And they captured my hope. 

Visions paraded through my mind of Noah, his ark, and his family with their eyes turned up to see the symbol of God's promise never again to destroy His earth or its people.  

In that moment I realized that I, along with my precious family here and around the country, am in the midst of a storm. And not just any storm, but the kind of storm God uses to bring something beautiful to life.  

And just like that my spirit became quiet. I became calm. My heart sang to my sweet Jesus. My Savior. My King: "I praise you in this storm."

We did see a rainbow that day and it was just as exciting for me as it was for Teagan! When you see a rainbow you will take a moment to remember God's unending love for you? Will you take a moment to remember His promise to never destroy us? And you will look for the sun to follow? For with the sun it brings a new day full of hope that surpasses our expectation or understanding. 

I hope you are having a wonderful and blessed weekend. We are off early tomorrow for a fun day at the zoo. I can tell you there are some verrrrrrrry excited persons in our house tonight. And that we will probably be forced to visit the reptile house. *Sigh.*

God Bless!
Michelle

You Can't Stay Here

Tonight my husband asked what I miss most about my mother. My answer?

Everything...

On my front porch I love to put pretty flowers to match the season in this decorative iron cone by my front door. But as soon as I do, mama and papa birds will invariably use it to build a nest for the arrival of their babies. 

Each time the babies become big and strong enough to leave the nest, the birds move on. Where? I don't know. But somehow, they sense that while this nest keeps their little ones safe, warm and comforted for a time, it offers no permanent solution. And so I start the ritual of cleaning out the cone, throwing out its contents and decorating again. 

As I cleaned out this cone last week, I began to see how it relates to the grieving process. I am neck deep at the moment, friends. This is my season of loss and it has finally hit me full force. The year anniversary of my father's passing is later this month, my stepmother passed five weeks ago and my mother a month ago.

Any one of these losses in and of itself would have been difficult to process. But when my mother passed ...well, it was as if a part of me left with her.  I feel empty.

Sadness. 

Loss.

Yesterday, I drove Teagan and Isla around...and around...and around. We went to three parks before I could decide which was best. And when we arrived? It started to rain. 

These days are tough. I feel out of sorts. Wandering. And I'm having a tough time writing...this is so raw for me. And yet, I share because I know there are others who might be encouraged to know they are not alone. To know that even on my darkest days I still praise my God for all the blessings in my life that He has given me. I look forward to the future God has promised. Hope. Eternity. Where there is no pain, no loss, no tears. Praise Jesus!!

You see, I know I can't stay "here". In this place of tears, anxiety, and loss. This is not the world God wants for His children. We are to have hope in an eternal life in heaven. And to have peace in knowing our loved ones are living in a world full of unimaginable beauty and love. 

I am so grateful God has plans for me. Plans I don't understand yet. I look forward to this time next week when I will attend the She Speaks 2012 conference. I imagine being surrounded by several hundred Jesus girls is just what my little heart needs! I have wanted to attend this conference for so long and God put it on my twin sister's heart to pay.my.way! Wow! What an incredible gift! And knowing that my mother was my best supporter...that she wanted this for me so badly, will make the weekend super special. 

And so I praise Him. I praise Him knowing this will pass. And though I will miss Bill, Shirley, and Maureen every moment of whatever time I have left on earth, I will have a future!

Dear Jesus, thank you for holding our hearts when they hurt. Thank you for providing comfort and your hope, your eternal salvation. Help those experiencing loss to move through the grieving process while being ever aware of all the blessings surrounding our lives. 

It would be my honor to pray for you. Please leave a comment or if you prefer more privacy email me at teaganstravels@yahoo.com.

Blessings, Michelle

The Heart of a Dinosaur & Destination: Inspiration Linky Party is Back!

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not 
fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall to the heart of the sea. 

Psalm 46:1-2

Teagan is all about the color green, being three years old, dinosaurs, and snakes.  In that order.  Now, I know what you are thinking: she is a ballerina in the making, no? OK, maybe not.  Luckily our local library has all she needs to nurture our little paleontologist in the making.  This week we checked out a really cute book called The Littlest Dinosaur by Michael Foreman.  So far we have read it no less than twenty times. 

Public Domain Photo

I've been thinking about a line in the book. The Littlest Dinosaur was terrified and feeling quite small, he decided that because he was, after all, a dinosaur, he would be brave in the midst of fear. It was his right. It was natural. And this forced courage prompted him to have true courage. In the end, he was able to encourage another frightened creature in the woods and lead him to safety. 

The heart of a dinosaur. 

In recent days as I have missed my mom terribly. My stepmother. My father. Man. What a tough year. My heart, I must admit, has been torn. I find quiet moments the hardest. When it is tough to be brave. I find it impossible to imagine me...little me, encouraging others. But what I know...in my littlest dinosaur heart...is that I am a child of God. And it is my right to rely on the greatest power in this world. It is natural. It makes sense. Nothing and no one can conquer our Lord. And His truth tells us He is with us always. When we worry. When we fear. When when cry and need comfort. And I know with God's help I too can find a courage that will lead me to encourage others. And for this reason, I praise Him for this storm. For these moments that so prepare me to walk beside the brokenhearted. 

My Senior Pastor at church offered up this wonderful quote. Praise God for His timing which always gives me the perfect message just when I need it most:

William Arthur Ward said, "Flatter me, and I may not believe you.  Criticize me, and I may not like you.  Ignore me, and I may not forgive you.  Encourage me, and I will not forget you.

And so friends...today, my Destination: Inspiration linky party is back! But I am changing things up a bit. Today and future linky parties are still about inspiration...and encouragement. After much soul searching I moving away from the crafting and recipes focus in lieu of inspirational writing. If you are a blogger I so wanna read your past and present writings. Submit away as many entries as you like! I can't wait to read each and every one of your entries!

Passport to an Awesome 

Destination: Inspiration Party!!!

<center><a <span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">href</span></span>="http://<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">teaganstravels</span></span>.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">blogspot</span></span>.com/"><<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">img</span></span> <span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">src</span></span>="http://i1195.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">photobucket</span></span>.com/albums/aa394/<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">sticksandmouse</span></span>/<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">th</span></span>_<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">basebutton</span></span>.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">jpg</span></span>" border="0" alt="<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">Teagan's</span></span> Travels Button, 2012 February"/></a> <center></center></center>

<center><a <span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">href</span></span>="http://<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">teaganstravels</span></span>.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">blogspot</span></span>.com/"><<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">img</span></span> <span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">src</span></span>="http://i1195.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">photobucket</span></span>.com/albums/aa394/<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">sticksandmouse</span></span>/<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">IWasFeatured</span></span>.<span class="<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">goog</span>-spellcheck-word" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; "><span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background-color: yellow; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; ">jpg</span></span>" border="0" alt="I Was Featured, 2012 February" /></a><center></center></center>

*I  am trying to grow my little blog so I'd really be excited if you would follow me using Google  Friends Connect or Linky Followers on my sidebar!

*Grab my button and post it somewhere on your blog if you want to totally make my week.

*Link to your post instead of your overall blog address.

*We all love comments so spread the love to at least one other blogger.

Have a great week! 
Blessings,
Michelle

Look To Me

          
I lift my eyes to the mountains-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, 
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121: 1-3

Who is with me that June 2012 has been a most trying month?  We’d just returned from my mom and stepmother’s funerals when our house was hit with a pretty fierce respiratory virus.  And just as I thought we were heading into a decent weekend, Teagan and I began throwing up this morning.  While the virus has left our family depleted, it has made us even more grateful for my girlfriends who have so sweetly continued to shower us with love and family meals again this week.

Depleted.

That is a great word to describe my emotional and physical status today.  I admit the grieving process was so much easier at the beginning of this week when I could get outside and run errands in an attempt to get our family back to normal.

With the virus in full swing we’ve been confined at home where I am surrounded by life filled with reminders of Shirley and mom, their absence magnified.  Toys they gave to the kids, pictures, trinkets, treasures…they all somehow remind me of them.

At times I’ve woken from a sleep, panicked at the realization that they are gone from this world.  And I wonder, what is God’s plan for me?  Will it be five, twenty, or forty years before we meet again in heaven? At times I breathe faster thinking, “How can I “do” life without these women in my day???”   And then I admonish myself for not remembering my blessings. Don’t I owe it to God, my husband and children to live in these treasured moments, regardless of loss?  Is it a sin to be so sad knowing the wonderful place they are in?  Shouldn’t I be able to rely on His promise of a glorious eternity with the knowledge that we are just vapours, here on earth for such a short time?

But then, what to do with moments, such as clearing most of the 82 messages on my answering machine? Moments that leave me mesmerized, desperately yearning to hold on to mom and Shirley’s voices forever…

Yes, I’d planned a different post for today.   One that was more upbeat.  Positive me.  Looking forward to a fun July and all of the summer fun that goes with it...but I feel God is whispering over and over a different message to me:

      Look.To.Me

Look to me….when you are physically weak

Look to me…when your heart is aching
Look to me …when you feel lost
Look to me…and I will use this sadness to make you stronger
Look to me…and I will always triumph over worldly concerns
Look to me…and I will show you joy

My mother shared this verse with me after her first surgery.  She loved it and what a comfort it provides to me today:

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

As our day gets moving, albeit slowly here, will you join me in looking to God?  Will you ask for His help if like mine, your soul needs to be restored?  Will you rely on Him if you have little physical stamina and strength?  Can we place our trust in Him together, knowing that He has a plan for us that is good, and will bless us?

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:12

God, please help us to turn to You.  Only you, when our hearts are sad.  Help us to rely on you when we have little strength. Thank you for triumphing over the world, over the lies and obstacles Satan places in our paths during these times to lead us further away from you. 

I am so excited that my senior pastor will be teaching words of encouragement this weekend that will no doubt help during times just as these!! Praise God for His wonderful timing which knows what messages our hearts need most.  In the meantime, if you have a prayer request it would be my privilege to pray for you and your family.  


Please leave a comment below or for more privacy write me at teaganstravels@yahoo.com.

Have a blessed weekend.

Michelle

Here

Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down
Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now
You'll find His peace
And know you're not alone anymore
He is near
You'll find His healing
Your heart isn't shattered anymore
He is here

For everyone who has been praying for my family, bringing us meals, offering a hug either physically or spiritually, I can't thank you enough. We feel truly blessed and know God is here in this moment, using all of you to provide comfort. 

My mother, Maureen, passed away on Saturday, June 16th. A few months ago mom told us that there ought to be a word in the dictionary to describe loosing one's mom, for it is unlike the pain of anything else in this world. 

At the same time she assured us that she was not afraid to die. She was God's daughter and knew she would spend an eternity in heaven with him and be ready to welcome the rest of us when our time on earth comes to an end. 

Did you know everything is new in heaven? It is so comforting to picture mom with a new body. Gone will be the one she had here, crippled by rheumatoid arthritis and medicines that damaged her organs, stage 3 ovarian cancer, septic shock and finally, pneumonia. Now we imagine her running, jumping and for the first time in a long time being able to play her beloved music on a heavenly piano. Go mom!


I'll close my post with this beautiful song Here by Kari Jacob that we played in mom's hospital room and again at her her service. Today is a quiet day for me. Home. With reminders of mom, my stepmother Shirley and my dad around me. All gone in less than one year. So I am trying to  make the most of every moment God has given me here. I so hope you are enjoying your moments today as well.